Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Mood: chill
Music: thursday (so im giving music a second chance)

Today I:
* took a nap in the sun
* took a calc test and possibly passed \:D/
* made a new online friend
* studied antioxidants and learned more chemistry in one day than i have all last semester in organic 1
* cleaned my room and moved old crap to the basement and in doing so...
* found a pair of summer pants that i totally forgot about...its was like shopping for free!

overall i rate the day an 8.576

yesterday was a -2.558
because work sucked and i thought my hip was going to fall out of its socket (im such an old woman!) and i got home and just wanted to go to bed by my roomate had commandeered my computer and took her sweet time in leaving. so i passed the time by getting my laundry from the dryer....only to find that my clothes had been shrunk
thats right

(ok ok, enough whining)

so heres something cool:
"And you [hath he quickened], who were dead in trespasses and sins;
Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
And hath raised [us] up together, and made [us] sit together in heavenly [places] in Christ Jesus:
That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in [his] kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God:
Not of works, lest any man should boast.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

This reminds me of a conversation i had with my dad and his roomate recently. they were trying to convince me of free will, or atleast a mix between that and predestination, however that works. They use the NIV and other versions to support this, and i can see how they do. i mean, i used to do it too! compare the part in bold above to the NIV interpretation of this:
"[GOD] made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgression - it is by grace you have been saved."

alright, maybe its just me, but the KJV is so much more powerful than the NIV. it seems so passive, especially on scriptures concerning free will and predestination. and when you take the NIV Bible as a whole that passage just blends in, whereas in the KJV it jumped out at me. im utterly convinced of mans incapability to do anything for himself and this belief started somewhere about the time i started reading KJV, not the say that the KJV has an special powers or anything...

hmmmm, it was also around the time that the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the Truth of salvation as opposed to what mainstream christianity would have you believe about "choice".

coincidence? i think not. :>

God's so good to me [-0<

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Mood: exhausted but i cant sleeep.
Music: so remember how i said i gave up most music? welllll, i found this song that i really liked and i even learned how to play on guitar (hey rachel, remember when we "played" that "show" and we became Fried Velcro?) yeah, i think i still like the song, aka, this song:

Swiss Army Romance
Sleep with all the lights on
You're not so happy
You're not secure
You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,
but you're plastic just like everyone.
You're just like everyone.
And that face you paint is pressed
impressing most of us as permanent
and I'd like to see you undone.
College night will draw the crowds.
Dorms unload & youre heading out.
Here is your moment to shine.
Making up a history.
It's nothing from the life you lead
but man, will they buy all your lines.

Sleep with all the sheets off
baring your mattress
baring your soul.
And you're dying to look smooth with your tattoos
but you're searching just like everyone
could be anyone.
And the friends that you have are the best
impressing most of us as permanent
and I'd like to see you undone.
Youth's the most unfaithful mistress.
Still we forge ahead to miss her.
Rushing our moment to shine.
Making up a history,
It's nothing from the life you lead
but man will they buy all your lines.
We're not twenty-one,
but the sooner we are,
the sooner the fun will begin,
so get out your fake eyelashes,
and fake i.d's,
& real disasters ensue,
it's cool to take these chances.
It's cool to fake romances
& grow up fast.
~dashboard confessional

oh hmmm, today is march 27th.
it used to be my parents anniversary, but it hasnt been for atleast two years....
aw man, now i feel all bummed

heres another apt song quote:
"your hair is everywhere,
screaming infidelities
and taking its wear"

even better:
"Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble,
and he bringeth them out of the distresses.
He maketh the storm calm,
so that the waves thereof are still.
Then they are glad because they be quiet;
so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.
Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness,
and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
Let them exalt him also in the congregation of the people,
and praise him in the assembly of the elders.
He turneth rivers into a wilderness,
and the watersprings into dry ground;
A fruitful land into barrenness,
for the wickedness of them that dwell therein.
He turneth the wilderness into a standing water,
and dry ground into watersprings.
And there he maketh the hungry to dwell,
that they may prepare a city for habitation;
And sow the fields, and plant vineyards,
which may yield fruits of increase.
He blesseth them also, so that they are multiplied greatly;
and suffereth not their cattle to decrease.
Again, they are minished and brought low
through oppression, affliction, and sorrow.
He poureth contempt upon princes,
and causeth them to wander in the wilderness,
[where there is] no way.
Yet setteth he the poor on high from affliction,
and maketh [him] families like a flock.
The righteous shall see [it], and rejoice:
and all iniquity shall stop her mouth.
Whoso [is] wise, and will observe these [things], even they shall understand the lovingkindness of the LORD."
Psalm 107:28-43

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Mood: relaxed
Scripture: proverbs 24:12, 2 corinthians 13:5,6

1. To make drunk; intoxicate.
2. To exhilarate or stupefy as if with alcohol.

1. Excessive indulgence of the appetites; especially, excessive indulgence of lust; intemperance; sensuality; habitual lewdness.
2. Corruption of fidelity; seduction from virtue, duty, or allegiance.

(ok, so you were right, im dumb, this is why dictionary.com exists :">)

its 60 degrees in my backyard!

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

preface: sundays blog actually happened on saturday

Mood: lazy
Music: none

im finding it harder and harder to listen to music, even "Christian" music. starting with the radio, it is almost impossible to listen to one song worthwhile without suffering through euphonious pollution. just ten minutes of the radio and im already disgusted, or worse: enjoying it and reminiscing of the times when music was my life and i easily identified with broken hearts and angry youth and prideful arrogance. i get so comfortable singing these songs and it scares me how easily some horrible lyrics can just slide off my lips. i cant genuinely say the meaning behind the words of these songs, especially the more abstract ones, but sometimes its pretty evident that they want to glorify the world or atleast be a part of it. this is also true of mainstream christian groups that all want to be on the radio for the sake of "evangelism". but honestly, which is easier? grains of salt to dissolve in water so that its elements are invisible to the eye, or sodium and chloride to come together in water and form salt crystals? ok so that wasnt an excellent example but all im saying is that its easier to be diluted than concentrated. if they attempt in jump in a pot of boiling water to convert the water to salt they will dissolve because the world demands conformity and quite frankly its bigger than you.

so anyhow, all this to say that im not a fan of music anymore. though it can be a blessing, im attempting to purify my mind by listening to other things than meaningless songs. this applies specifically to lyriked music, not so much instrumental because i am addicted to bach :) i know there are those of you who can listen to music and not be affected by it, and you are much more mature than i am. im not condemning all music, im just elucidating upon my reasons to avoid overindulgence of it.

ive also been thinking a lot about the covenant of grace since sunday. something so simple and yet fundamental and after 20 years i still dont have a hold on it. conversations with much more mature christians are quite humbling to me to think that i still struggle with the basics. but understanding is understanding, regardless of the level and im thankful that the Spirit has opened my eyes.

hopefully i will go to the Ibarras today \:D/ and hang out with the lovely Juana and hold my adopted child Emiliano :X

later sweet friends >:D<

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Mood: sequestered
Music: masquerade~caedmons call

"But if a man live many years, and rejoice in them all: yet let him remember the days of darkness;for they shall be many. All that cometh is vanity. Rejoice, oh young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth,and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgement. Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity." ~Ecclesiastes 11:8-10

i had most of the day to myself which was pretty relaxing. i went to starbucks for a couple hours and read Francis Turretin on Holy Scriptures. [most conversations ive had with non christians (even some "christians") have led back to the authority of scripture. they all think that because it was given to fallible men, then it must be fallible. or that some group of early christians got together and wrote a book and called it the word of God and then gave it to the world, who just caved in and believed it. turns out its not like that at all. just goes to show you how ignorant we are, thinking that all things began the day we were born and that history never happened. the power of God despite man is awesome, how He has preserved His word through careless mistakes and malicious intents to pervert scripture. that the Bible i read today, which is just a derivative of the original Bible, can be so powerful and yet, how much more so are the very words directly dictated by the Holy Spirit. i cant even imagine...]

later this evening i went and had a visit with the "family" for my brothers birthday. *rolls eyes and sighs*
if you think of it, please pray for me and for a conversation i need to have with my mom soon. i keep putting it off cause im a weenie.

ah, anyways, so thats life for today.

i want to let all of you know that i value you very much >:D<
thanks be to God for the gift of fellowship and counsel :)

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Mood: no longer sleepy!
Music: Bach - what else

Hey blogging really wakes you up! I was super tired all day and almost fell asleep on the desk in microbiology this morning. i was planning on taking a nap during my break but lo and behold i created a blog and am now wide awake.
well, maybe not w i d e awake
but hopefully enough to finish this day without passing out.
i have two anatomy and physiology tests tonight
: O


goodnight friends :)

Mood: hurty from sit ups
Music: Bach cello suites <3

What do you write in a blog?
i cant say anything terribly interesting has happened that requires your attention to this site...so ill just talk about nothing.

how pretentious of me!

[the word of the day is pretentious...
1. Claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified.
2. Making or marked by an extravagant outward show; ostentatious.

All too often i act pretentious; it spills from my lips, wafts from my air, shoots from my eyes in fiery darts of condescension for the meek.....i wish i were meek. and not pretentious, i hate it. ok, enough]

on a brighter note:
"Was ever rebellious sinner so courted, in sighs, in groans, in blood, of an expiring God? Did ever pity this stoop, to gain the heart of such a devil? How my soul is melted! How it yields to thine almighty love! how much sweeter thy promises, than honey to my taste! oh! how they sink to the very centre of my heart! CONTENT, a thousand times content, to be an everlasting miracle of thy redeeming grace; content, that God, in saving me, "shew forth, to the ages to come, what is the exceeding riches of his grace," and virtue of his righteousness. Blessed, O Jesus, be thy name, that thou never saidst, Give me a sincere, a pure, a holy, humble heart; but requirest me to give it as it is! But will God indeed dwell in it, and make it a fit habitation for himself through the Spirit? Astonishing condescension! Stupendous love!"
~John Brown of Haddington